How Men Buy Engagement Rings Different From Women (and why you should care)

Ever wonder how men buy engagement rings? Probably not. You probably never thought you should care. However, it would be silly to pretend that men and women don’t think or prioritize things differently; engagement rings included. So, I thought it would be enlightening for my readers to understand just how men and women approach the engagement ring process.

First, as a caveat, I have to stress that this post not meant to stereotype any particular gender or show gender bias in anyway! I merely wish to point out the common behaviors that I’ve noticed over the years to offer greater insight for individual’s currently shopping for a diamond engagement ring. Of course there are always exceptions, so please do not take this as a final verdict, but rather playful food for thought. So, let’s get to it…

Having the pleasure of working with so many people over the years, I’ve noticed consistent patterns in buying behavior between men and women (I was a psych major after all). These differences are intriguing because they offer great insight into how differently men and women perceive, think, and act. Doubly fascinating is the added complexity of a luxury product that is largely coveted based on cultural and emotional expectations.

How Men Buy Engagement Rings – Numbers, Functions, and Rules

So, exactly how are the sexes different when it comes to shopping for a diamond engagement ring? As you may have already guessed, men are more literal and scientific in their approach. Nearly all the men I’ve worked with scrutinize over the minutia details of a given diamond crystal. Proportions, inclusions, blemishes, light performance, optical symmetry, are all quantifiable characteristics that are evaluated over many weeks before making a decision.

Nearly 99% of the time, men prefer to purchase a diamond that represents the best value for money. All factors of carat weight, color, clarity and cut are equally mulled over and generally a decision is made by working in all four aspects in a perceived compromise for best overall value. Generally, men are more discriminating in their approach and really take the time to compare and contrast different options before coming to a final decision.

What about the actual engagement ring setting? Well, here I see a major difference in men vs women again. When it comes to choosing a setting, most men will choose something simple that shows off their carefully selected diamond the best. As tradition usually dictates for men to buy the ring on their own and surprise his partner, it is no wonder that the solitaire is the most popular and timeless engagement ring setting (kudos to Tiffany & Co and their iconic Tiffany setting).

Men Buying Pros: 

• Tend to buy ‘best value for money’ diamond engagement ring
• Tend to buy best quality diamond for budget
• Tend to retain bragging rights for accumulated diamond research, education, and purchase price

Men Buying Cons:

• Tend to overly focus on diamond numbers and get ‘analysis paralysis’ over minutia details
• Engagement rings are less creative and/or sentimental in design
• Rings can lack personality or that Je ne sais quoi factor

How Women Buy Engagement Rings – Memories, Emotions, and Sentiment

Women on the other hand are much more fluid in their decision making process. In general, when a women contacts me, she usually has a broad idea of what kind of diamond engagement ring she is looking for, however she is very open to suggestions and prefers to review all the options. She’ll ask questions like, “Do you think this rose gold setting is complimentary to my skin tone?” “What do you think about pairing this ‘J’ color diamond with this pave halo setting?” “Should I go for the larger ‘J’ color diamond or the smaller ‘G’ color diamond?” “What will give me the most sparkle for the dollar?” Many women mull over various pairings of diamond and setting combinations with a greater emphasis and more interest on the actual ring setting first and the center stone diamond second.

Speaking for myself, I concur with this approach as my husband and I were married in a Buddhist Temple and my engagement ring has the appearance of a lotus flower . The highly symbolic nature of my ring was very important to me and is something that I think many women think about more so than the actual diamond. You may be shocked to know that I’ve worked with many women that are willing to compromise the size of their diamond in order to accommodate the setting of their choice.

I also have noticed that women are much more forgiving when it comes to diamond selection. Inclusions that can be covered by a prong, or an SI clarity grade with translucent scattered crystals or barely their twinning wisps really doesn’t deter most women as long as the diamond fits her carat and color preferences for her budget. Not surprisingly, women seem to prioritize carat weight (whether larger or smaller; she knows what she wants!) followed by color and then clarity. Above all, sparkle and scintillation trump any of the other well known C’s.

Women Buying Pros:

• Tend to buy and/or create heirloom pieces that are irreplaceable
• Tend to focus on how the ring will compliment her personality and lifestyle
• Tend to appreciate fine details and accents that only she and her partner are aware of

Women Buying Cons:

• Can get overly occupied with design detail or second guess frequently
• Maximizing carat weight can sometimes lead to the compromise of other clarity characteristics which may or may not result in a less structurally sound diamond (SI2 or I1 clarity or clarity enhanced diamonds)
• Maximizing carat weight and paying less attention to cut proportions can sometimes result in a less brilliant and sparkling diamond

In cases where couples contact me together and seek advice and recommendations, these preferences of the sexes are worked through together, with men generally having greater say into the overall quality of the diamond and women having greater say over the entire engagement ring setting. In this way, they often reach a very satisfying compromise and enjoy the romantic journey they both took to create a symbol of their lasting love.

Communication Ensures A Rewarding and Fulfilling Experience For Both

Why then is it important to list the general differences in how men and women approach buying a diamond engagement ring? Well, I believe that understanding how an individual approaches a certain task will uncover their often unconscious intentions and in knowing this ahead of time, one can ensure a smoother and more efficient buying process all around.

If men shop alone and want to surprise their fiance, this information provides some food for thought and perhaps an opportunity for greater communication with their future fiance into what settings she prefers or what symbolism is meaningful to her. In contrast, knowing what motivates men in terms of selecting the perfect diamond can help women share this process and allow them to work together in deciding how to spend the bulk of their diamond engagement ring purchase. In the end, communication on what would make each person happy is a smart and successful way forward for any major life decision, be it a diamond engagement ring, house, or retirement plan.

If you need help in finding the perfect diamond or would like suggestions on engagement rings designs please don’t hesitate to contact me! If you are just starting out your diamond search, be sure to check out my post: Top 7 Best Places To Buy An Engagement Ring Online In 2018

I look forward to working with you!

Happy Diamond Buying!

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